Australia

Australian Government condemns [INSERT LATEST TERROR ATTACK]

There’s a formula for keeping Western media audiences on side with your agenda. After every new terrorist attack, the official government media statement is practically identical to the last. Let’s reverse-engineer Bishop and Turnbull’s latest comments on the attack on Coptic Christians in Egypt.

The Australian Government condemns the [INSERT ATTACK] in the strongest possible terms.

These [INSERT EMOTIONAL LANGUAGE E.G. SENSELESS/BRUTAL] attacks took the lives of many innocent people during [INSERT SYMPATHETIC SCENE TO KEEP FOCUS ON VICTIMS NOT PERPETRATORS].

Our thoughts [AND PRAYERS IF RELIGIOUS] are with the victims and their families and with the people of [VICTIM NATION] at this [INSERT EMOTION] time. It is crucial that these attacks be investigated and the perpetrators brought to justice.

The Australian Embassy in [INSERT VICTIM NATION] is monitoring the situation closely and is in contact with authorities to determine whether any Australians have been affected.

Notice these statements are relayed to us via media hacks and talking heads with the gravest sincerity. No questions are ever asked about whether we should stop feeling and start thinking.

Thankfully audiences everywhere are noticing the huge discord between reality and the way it’s reported by the media.

The old excuses (lone wolf, mentally unstable, motivation unknown etc etc etc) no longer work because there’s only so long human beings can go without recognising patterns.

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